This could be a typical television talk show with untypical guests. On stage is a couple with marital problems. Both committed to the marriage but not to each other. But, this is no ordinary marriage. This is the War of The Radio Roses. She is in radio sales. He is in radio creative. Their symbolic marriage is bound by the radio station they work for. Their children are the commercials (most of whom are hideous). It is, inevitably, a dysfunctional family. Their ongoing friction is about to cost them their marriage. They both blame each other for the problem. He says she doesn’t get it. She says he doesn’t. Can this relationship be salvaged? Can this radio sales rep and this radio producer find a common ground? Can they embrace each other’s differences and make nicer children? Can they both finally "get it?"

This month’s review tackles Wave Arts’ Power Suite 5 bundle, which arrived on my doorstep at half-price courtesy of a group buy on the logic-users.org website. You see, in an effort to find the best plugs at the lowest prices, I keep a sharp eye out for group-buy deals (see the February 2005 issue of RAP for the 411 on group buys). Okay, okay, I’m also an audio software addict, and I needed a fix. Fine. Whatever. In any event, this bundle presents a whole mess of useful choices. A collection of five audio processing plugins for Mac and PC, the Power Suite includes reverb, EQ, compression, limiting, and spatial enhancement. Each of the plugins has deep levels of control, and Wave Arts has engineered them to be CPU-efficient, which means you can run many instances simultaneously.

I know, I’ve promised that following my advice in this column would result in huge raises from the boss, job offers pouring in and even ecclesiastic shouting from the rooftop. To those who have not yet experienced these things by following my advice, here’s a quarter… buy a clue. I have passed along some excellent advice though on how to improve your production, and I’ve noticed the difference in the production people send to me for critiques. This month’s column won’t result in any of the above at all, mainly because it’s very subtle. In fact, most of your listeners will never know the difference… at first. Once they DO notice, they won’t be able to put their finger on what it is – they’ll just like it more. From a producer’s point of view, this is what sets great production apart from truly spectacular production.

Q It Up: Nightmare Clients. Do you have one? More than likely, you have at least one client that you dread dealing with. Perhaps they come into the studio and spend three hours on one spot. Or they insist on bringing their entire staff along to impress them and waste your day. Or maybe they’re revision addicts. Maybe they’re just obnoxious people. Do you have a nightmare client? Tell us about him/her, what they do to destroy your day, and what you do to deal with it. For the sake of saving your job, you’re more than welcome to change the identity of your nightmare client, but let’s keep the story real. Purpose of this Q It Up question? To vent, to remind us all we’re not alone with our nightmare clients, and hopefully, to share some ways of dealing with these people that will help us the next time the client from hell calls.

Have a question for the next Q It Up column? E-mail your suggestions to the editor at JV@rapmag.com. Thanks!

There are 7 dirty words that should never, ever be used in a radio commercial. Not the 7 words that got George Carlin in trouble with the FCC back in the ‘70s. Nope. I’m referring to those seven words that make up a phone number. Why? It’s because the human brain is not designed to remember a series of numbers. It’s designed for language. In other words, words. Descriptive and evocative words which the brain translates into pictures to understand and communicate ideas. It’s genetic. A million years of evolution have deemed it so and no amount of repeated readings of a phone number in a radio commercial will change that. That’s like hoping a pig will fly if you just keep asking it to do so.

This year, as I have for the past couple, I had the chance to judge the audio portion of production demos of the graduating class of the Radio Broadcasting program at the local community college, for their annual awards ceremonies. I am also a proud graduate of the predecessor to this program, so it’s something I’m pleased to do. If the trend I’m hearing over the past couple of years holds up, "Joe College" is not going to be a derogatory term for very much longer.

on’t just tell listeners about your advertiser’s product or service, engage their imaginations and show them. Radio’s a great medium for product or service demonstrations. In Chuck Blore’s classic commercial for Zee paper towels, he used the repeating sound of paper towels being torn from a roll throughout the spot to make the point that Zee had more sheets than the competition. It worked better than just describing that feature.

...And Make It Real Creative: 
By Trent Rentsch